Power & Vulnerability During Periods of Crisis!

The Wall of Threat.

We are living in a time of crisis and with this crisis comes a particular sense of threat. This threat is wide ranging, affecting feelings around physical health, income, relationships, and mental health. Naturally when human beings feel threatened they do what makes sense--they try to defend themselves. We take precautions when it comes to our physical health by using immune boosting supplements and wearing masks. People make sure their investments are protected and spending is slowed. And when it comes to mental health, oftentimes during prolonged periods of threat people put up emotional walls and seek ways to be feel powerful.  Crises can make us feel powerless; we are threatened, frightened, and there is so much out of our control. Evolutionarily speaking it makes sense to want to defend yourself from a perceived threat, but sometimes the thing that is meant to bring you comfort and a sense of safety can leave you feeling more anxious, alone, and angry. 

The Power in Vulnerability!

So imagine this: two people are feeling anxious about the state of the world. Both are feeling powerless and anxious but feel as if there is nothing that they can do about it and therefore do not really share their anxieties with each other. They both want to find a sense of control and perhaps without even knowing what they are doing they start trying to control each other. One person may insist that they make drastic changes to their lives while the other person insists the opposite. Both people stop listening to what the other is saying and rather try to convince the other to agree with them. This is a concrete example of how the wall of threat operates. The people are both reacting from a defensive position that has come out of a feeling of threat and powerlessness. It is their reaction to try and control the other in an attempt to control something during a time when they feel they control very little. You can imagine what unfortunately this type of interaction can leave a person feeling. Both people will feel an even greater sense of threat from each other. They will feel unheard by the other, angry, and ironically powerless as they will likely fail in convincing each other to change each of their minds. As they each feel increasingly threatened by each other they will get more and more defensive, the wall will grow thicker, and each person will likely feel very alone. 

How does one then go about lessening a feeling of threat and creating a sense of power during a period of crisis? People often associate the word vulnerability with weakness and powerlessness but vulnerability can leave people feeling powerful and strong. Let's change up the story about the two people. Imagine the first person is able to share with the other person how anxious they are feeling. The person could talk about the feelings of not having control, being afraid, and whatever other feelings may be experienced which may be contributing to a certain desire to make drastic changes. The person doesn't try to convince or coerce the other person but just shares what they are feeling. This expression of vulnerability is not going to increase a feeling of threat. The conversation will likely feel safe and person two will likely be more able to listen to what person one is trying to say. This in turn will not create additional threat for person one, so person one may be more open to hearing person two's feedback and person two will have less of a reason to speak from a defensive place as well. This conversation is much more likely to be one of connection and safety.

We may not be able to control a lot of things in the world but we do have power over how we choose to interact with others in our relationships, and power over whether or not we can be heard. Yes, we can't control other people's reactions and some people will just never let their guard down; however, in most cases if you are vulnerable others will be too. And there is also power in being able to choose who you wish to be more vulnerable with. Connection through vulnerability feels much better than anger, defensiveness, and fear of each other. There is a sense of safety in feeling like you are really in it together as opposed to going at it alone or even against each other.

Now is the time. We are vulnerable as humans by nature. It is just time for us to stop denying it and rather its time to embrace its power.  

If you find yourself struggling to cope with social distancing, stress, illness, or anything related to the Covid-19 Pandemic feel free to reach out for a consultation.